**This is the first of a new monthly blog series that I am participating in with another group of women from ClickinMoms where we are writing letters to our daughters.  I am so excited to be a part of this circle and love the motivation to continue what I started after finding out I was pregnant – writing to my favorite person.  See the link at the end of the post to follow the circle around!**

My sweet Camryn Ray,

Last week marked your “17 month birthday”.  Whoa.  No seriously…whoa.  Can you stop already?  Okay, fine.

Where do I start?  I have sat down to start this so many times the past few months – in an effort to help myself remember the details of our day-to-day with you.  You would think that less than two years of life is easy to remember…actually I DID think that…until I watched back some old iPhone videos of you and your 2-month old bobble-head and WOW – life sure does move on.  And unfortunately sometimes memories go with it.  Maybe it’s a sign of age, or maybe it’s just that there isn’t a single detail that I want to forget about you.  So to take the pressure off myself, I’ll just start with now.  Here and now, these are the things I love about you.

1.  Your goofiness.  You are certainly your father’s daughter.  You have a weirdness about you that is unmatched – in the way that you head bang to Austin&Alley on the Disney channel to the long conversations that you have with us (and yourself) that are definitely some dialect of Chinese…and especially the way that you laugh at all the weird noises that come from your dad’s mouth.  You are hilarious and you delight me.  I pray in all of my prayers that you never lose that.  I truly believe that silly leads to humble.  But that’s for another letter another year.

2.  Your tenderness.  You have a sweet spirit behind that bull-in-a-chinashop persona.  At such a young age, you recognize pain and sadness and you care enough to say “okay? okay?” and always try to fix it with a kiss.  The first time you did that, I was crying over the loss of our family dog and my broken heart grew 10 sizes.  It was the sweetest thing I had ever seen until you said “I wuboo!” to your daddy on FaceTime this week.  You were so excited to say your first “i love you” amidst your climbing and silliness that is bedtime…I know it’s a moment we’ll never forget, as we have waited so very long to hear it.  I hope you’ll always know how much you are loved and how important it is to show that same love and empathy to others.

3.  Your wit.  You have it all figured out.  And by all, I mean me.  You know your way into my heart and how to bring me back down to size – your size.  You are one stubborn cookie and let’s just say the terrible twos aren’t just for two-year olds in our house.  You’re testing your boundaries more every day and you are none too happy when you are told “no”.  Right now your favorite thing to do is climb the stairs.  Occasionally the gate gets left open and you make a run for it.  You take your first steps up with your back to me and say “Bye bye, seeeeeya!” just before turning around and greeting me with a big kiss…that kiss almost always keeps you out of trouble for running from me.  Even when you do get a spanking from me, you throw yourself on the floor or into a corner for about 5 seconds before you’re holding your arms out for me to make it all better…to which I oblige.  I foresee many teenage arguments that end up with both of us crying and hugging it out because well…I have your Grandma’s patience (very little) and her heart (very big).  Discipline might be one of the hardest things a parent has to do…it flat out sucks to hurt or upset your baby but I know that you will appreciate being a well-mannered and respectful adult because of it.

4.  Your face.  Yes, your face.  It’s the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on.  From your precious button nose, to your soft round cheeks, and your glassy eyes that are shaded by those beautiful lashes…you take my breath away.  I could stare at you all day long if you’d sit still long enough…I now know that no time was wasted during those baby stages where I did just that.   Oh and while we’re on face…let’s talk about that Justin Bieber hair.  It’s hilarious.  And perfect.  I know it’s time for a cut, but I just  love it for now.  You’re verging on mullet-status and you don’t seem to mind it in your eyes…I’m just hoping for your sake you get your Aunt Sami’s hair and not mine.

5.  Your smarts.  I won’t go so far as to say you’re a baby Einstein and I don’t even like to use the word “advanced” – maybe it’s because I don’t want you to grow up any faster than you have to…or maybe it’s because I’m a little scared of you outsmarting me too early – but regardless, you are one smart cookie.  You remember things days after being showed something just once and your vocabulary grows exponentially every day.  You love to read and you tell me which book you want for the night by saying a single word from the book that defines it from the rest.  “Peas” or “Naaay” are the books of the week…the first one has a bunch of little peas teaching you the alphabet and the other…well it’s about a sheep but we’re working on the animal noises 🙂  All that to say, I hope you never struggle too hard with school but that it’s not so easy that you don’t have to put forth any effort.

I love the way you say “Nigh, nigh” as we close your bedroom door at night.  I love the way you plop down on my lap backwards if you want me to read you a story.  I love that even if you won’t give me a real kiss, you NEVER say no to butterfly kisses.  I love the way you beam when we smile at you through the car window.  I love how much you love Barley – even if that means you feed her half your dinner and tell her “good girl” for taking your food that you don’t want.  I love the way you bury your face into mine and kiss me with your goofy open mouth when we walk into the pitch-dark garage to get into the car.  I love (?) the way you say “ugh-oh” after doing something you know was wrong…even if you did it on purpose for the 10th time that day.  I l love how you say “boom boom…” if you want for one of us to “get you” and tickle you.  I love the way you squeal with delight on the swing set.  I love your curiosity and joy on your face when you discover something new.

I am including images from your 17th month of life.  There were a lot of firsts and a lot of “the sames” but they are all precious to me.  Your first time playing in the rain, your first trip to the beach, your upteenth midday bath, and lots of story time.

I love you my little pea.  You are the whole of my heart.

Mommy

Head on over to Lori Asher’s blog to read her letter to her sweet girl here.  And while you’re there, check out ALL the photography projects she is invested in right now.  I think she is a superwoman but I’m not sure…